Three Lessons for Living

　　I do not know how much you recall of the evening of May 12 , 1976? and your graduation from Louisiana State University at Shreveport. My own recollection is vivid. It was one of the most painful times of my life.

　　That afternoon I had called the doctors office to inquire about some tests my wife had taken. She apparently was in excellent health, enjoying a happy, vibrant life. And then there was the doctors voice saying that the tests indicated a terminal condition.

　　Nothing in my life had prepared me for that moment. I was in shock as I delivered your commencement address.

　　When I was invited to be a part of this tenth reunion, my immediate reaction was No! I didnt want to rekindle those memories. But then I thought that some of the things Ive learned about myself in the ten years since your commencement might assist you when youre confronted with one of the painful traumas that are an inevitable part of life.

　　Id like to share with you just three of the things Ive learned.

　　First, the importance of caring .

　　When the commencement exercises were completed that decade ago I turned to Rabbi David Lefkowitz, who had delivered the invocation . I began to cry and shared with David what had happened that afternoon. He put a hand on my shoulder and comforted me. I do not know what he said; it was not important. What was important was that he let me know he cared. In the months that followed I learned the importance of being cared for and, in that learning, became a more caring person myself.

　　Ten years ago I was not a toucher . Today I can hug, put an arm around a shoulder and hold a hand with ease because I have learned that touching is such an important element in the expression of caring. Ten years ago I could not use the word love outside my immediate family. Today I can say I love you and mean it.

　　I learned that you cannot fake caring. Someone can express words of sympathy. Someone else can follow with the same words and identical inflection

　　Instinctively you know that one expression came from caring and the other came because it was required by the occasion. A third person might say nothing, just touch your arm, and somehow you know that he cared most of all. Second, the importance of saying thank you .

　　I had worked hard on that 1976 speech. I had written and rewritten, polished and practiced. But because the circumstances of the delivery were so difficult, a thank you would have significantly helped me. The only thing that I received was a one-sentence, typed form letter. I would have felt much better if there had been a P. S. that just said, Thanks for the talk .

　　Three Lessons for Living

　　I do not know how much you recall of the evening of May 12 , 1976? and your graduation from Louisiana State University at Shreveport. My own recollection is vivid. It was one of the most painful times of my life.

　　That afternoon I had called the doctors office to inquire about some tests my wife had taken. She apparently was in excellent health, enjoying a happy, vibrant life. And then there was the doctors voice saying that the tests indicated a terminal condition.

　　Nothing in my life had prepared me for that moment. I was in shock as I delivered your commencement address.

　　When I was invited to be a part of this tenth reunion, my immediate reaction was No! I didnt want to rekindle those memories. But then I thought that some of the things Ive learned about myself in the ten years since your commencement might assist you when youre confronted with one of the painful traumas that are an inevitable part of life.

　　Id like to share with you just three of the things Ive learned.

　　First, the importance of caring .

　　When the commencement exercises were completed that decade ago I turned to Rabbi David Lefkowitz, who had delivered the invocation . I began to cry and shared with David what had happened that afternoon. He put a hand on my shoulder and comforted me. I do not know what he said; it was not important. What was important was that he let me know he cared. In the months that followed I learned the importance of being cared for and, in that learning, became a more caring person myself.

　　Ten years ago I was not a toucher . Today I can hug, put an arm around a shoulder and hold a hand with ease because I have learned that touching is such an important element in the expression of caring. Ten years ago I could not use the word love outside my immediate family. Today I can say I love you and mean it.

　　I learned that you cannot fake caring. Someone can express words of sympathy. Someone else can follow with the same words and identical inflection

　　Instinctively you know that one expression came from caring and the other came because it was required by the occasion. A third person might say nothing, just touch your arm, and somehow you know that he cared most of all. Second, the importance of saying thank you .

　　I had worked hard on that 1976 speech. I had written and rewritten, polished and practiced. But because the circumstances of the delivery were so difficult, a thank you would have significantly helped me. The only thing that I received was a one-sentence, typed form letter. I would have felt much better if there had been a P. S. that just said, Thanks for the talk .