Dear Kelsey,

亲爱的凯尔西，

I am happily married to a kind, good, sweet, loving, and laid-back man who I am blessed to have in my life. We’ve been together for 13 years and married for two. Then there is another man — one I’ve known since before I even met my husband. I’ll call him Josh.

我嫁给了一个善良、人好、甜蜜、有爱心和有基础的男人，我很高兴我的生命中能出现这么一个人。我们在一起13年，结婚2年。然后出现了另一个男人——在我认识丈夫之前就认识他了。暂且叫他乔希吧。

I’ve known Josh since high school, and we used to be in a relationship. Though it was one of the most tumultuous, dark, and painful ones I’ve ever experienced, I still love him and respect him a great deal. He is a very special soul — complex, vulnerable, and talented. We’d already broken up by the time I met my husband, but my lingering connection with Josh became an issue. I had no desire to be in a relationship with him again. I wanted to have a mature, platonic friendship. Still, he would send me flirty text messages, and I liked it. I had to admit to myself — and my future husband — that I was still attracted to him. At the time, Josh was in a bad place and his behavior became unstable. He acted like a fool and fucked everything up. I ended up having to cut him out of my life, which was incredibly difficult.

自高中起我就认识乔希了，我们还交往过。尽管那是我谈过最动荡、黑暗和痛苦的恋情，我仍十分爱他、尊重他。他很特别——复杂、脆弱而又有才华。在我遇见丈夫之前我们就已分手了，但我仍对乔希恋恋不忘，这成了个问题。我不想和他再次恋爱。我想要段成熟、纯粹的友情。但他仍会发给我一些轻佻的短信，而我还很喜欢。我必须向自己承认——以及我未来的丈夫承认——他仍然吸引着我。那时候，乔希状况不佳，行为也不稳定。他就像个傻瓜一样，一切都弄得乱糟糟的。最后我不得不与他切断联系，这当然是很困难的。

About a year ago, I agreed to meet with him so he could apologize and explain himself. That was hard for my husband to understand, but I went, and this time Josh was very sober and respectful.

大约一年前，我同意和他相见，这样他就可以道歉并解释一切。我丈夫难以理解，但我还是去了，去的时候乔希十分清醒也很尊重人。

Cut to today, and I find myself looking at his social media feeds lately — a lot. I miss him. I know I can’t talk to him, but looking at his images and work on social media gives me a strange feeling of closeness to him that is indescribably valuable to me. I have come very close to actually communicating with Josh online, and each time I have to remind myself how hurtful this would be to my husband. He would never understand, and I get that.

切换到今天，我发现自己最近总在关注他的社交媒体动态。我想念他。我知道我不能和他说话，但在社交媒体上看着他的照片和工作状态给了我一种奇怪的感觉，感觉自己和他很亲密，这对我来说十分重要。亲密到我差点和他在线交流，但每一次我都提醒自己这样做会对丈夫造成多大的伤害。他永远都无法理解，我明白这一点。

I guess my question is, does checking on your ex on social media constitute cheating?

我想我的问题就是：在社交媒体上关注自己的前任算不算出轨呢？

Sincerely,

真诚地，

Social Media Cheater (Maybe)

社交媒体出轨人（可能）

Dear Kelsey,

亲爱的凯尔西，

I am happily married to a kind, good, sweet, loving, and laid-back man who I am blessed to have in my life. We’ve been together for 13 years and married for two. Then there is another man — one I’ve known since before I even met my husband. I’ll call him Josh.

我嫁给了一个善良、人好、甜蜜、有爱心和有基础的男人，我很高兴我的生命中能出现这么一个人。我们在一起13年，结婚2年。然后出现了另一个男人——在我认识丈夫之前就认识他了。暂且叫他乔希吧。

I’ve known Josh since high school, and we used to be in a relationship. Though it was one of the most tumultuous, dark, and painful ones I’ve ever experienced, I still love him and respect him a great deal. He is a very special soul — complex, vulnerable, and talented. We’d already broken up by the time I met my husband, but my lingering connection with Josh became an issue. I had no desire to be in a relationship with him again. I wanted to have a mature, platonic friendship. Still, he would send me flirty text messages, and I liked it. I had to admit to myself — and my future husband — that I was still attracted to him. At the time, Josh was in a bad place and his behavior became unstable. He acted like a fool and fucked everything up. I ended up having to cut him out of my life, which was incredibly difficult.

自高中起我就认识乔希了，我们还交往过。尽管那是我谈过最动荡、黑暗和痛苦的恋情，我仍十分爱他、尊重他。他很特别——复杂、脆弱而又有才华。在我遇见丈夫之前我们就已分手了，但我仍对乔希恋恋不忘，这成了个问题。我不想和他再次恋爱。我想要段成熟、纯粹的友情。但他仍会发给我一些轻佻的短信，而我还很喜欢。我必须向自己承认——以及我未来的丈夫承认——他仍然吸引着我。那时候，乔希状况不佳，行为也不稳定。他就像个傻瓜一样，一切都弄得乱糟糟的。最后我不得不与他切断联系，这当然是很困难的。

About a year ago, I agreed to meet with him so he could apologize and explain himself. That was hard for my husband to understand, but I went, and this time Josh was very sober and respectful.

大约一年前，我同意和他相见，这样他就可以道歉并解释一切。我丈夫难以理解，但我还是去了，去的时候乔希十分清醒也很尊重人。

Cut to today, and I find myself looking at his social media feeds lately — a lot. I miss him. I know I can’t talk to him, but looking at his images and work on social media gives me a strange feeling of closeness to him that is indescribably valuable to me. I have come very close to actually communicating with Josh online, and each time I have to remind myself how hurtful this would be to my husband. He would never understand, and I get that.

切换到今天，我发现自己最近总在关注他的社交媒体动态。我想念他。我知道我不能和他说话，但在社交媒体上看着他的照片和工作状态给了我一种奇怪的感觉，感觉自己和他很亲密，这对我来说十分重要。亲密到我差点和他在线交流，但每一次我都提醒自己这样做会对丈夫造成多大的伤害。他永远都无法理解，我明白这一点。

I guess my question is, does checking on your ex on social media constitute cheating?

我想我的问题就是：在社交媒体上关注自己的前任算不算出轨呢？

Sincerely,

真诚地，

Social Media Cheater (Maybe)

社交媒体出轨人（可能）