习作评析（12）

　　　　习作题目 1

　　　　根据下列提示，写一篇 100 词左右的日记。

　　　　今天是二○○二年三月十八日，星期天，天气晴朗。由二十多名澳大利亚中学生组成的访问团来你校参观。你和同学们于八点二十分在校门口集合，列队欢迎来访的澳大利亚学生。八点半你带客人到接待室（ reception room ）并举行联欢会（ get-together ）。十点钟你带领客人参观图书馆、实验室和校办工厂。十一点半和客人一起在学校食堂共进午餐，并互赠礼物，客人于下午一点半离开学校。

　　　　学生原文

　　　　Wednesday March 18th， 2002 Fine

　　　　This morning， over twenty Australian middle school students came to our school for visit. My classmates and I gathered at the school gate at twenty past eight， gave them a warm welcome. At half past eight， I took them to the reception room and we made a get-together there. At ten o'clock， we led them to visit out library， our lab and the school factory. At half past eleven， we had lunch with the Australian students in the school dining-hall but then gave presents to each other. Time passed quickly， soon it was half past one in the afternoon. We had to say good-bye to each other.

　　　　Never shall I forget the day March 18th.

　　　　名师点评

　　　　本篇习作要点齐全，语言通顺?？忌苁炝吩擞盟е?，按时间顺序较好地完成日记。但考生在连接词的运用上还需进一步努力。

　　　?。?1 ） visit 前加 a .

　　　?。?2 ） gave 前加 and ，在两个并列谓语之间应用连接词 and .

　　　　（ 3 ） made 改为 held .举行晚会、聚会、会议需用动词 hold .

　　　?。?4 ） but 改为 and ，此处是一种并列关系，而非转折关系。

　　　?。?5 ） soon 前加 and .

　　　　（ 6 ）在日记的结尾考生巧妙地运用了倒装结构，使短文添彩。

　　　　精品范文

　　　　Wednesday March 18th， 2002 Fine

　　　　This morning， over twenty Australian middle school students came to our school for a visit. My classmates and I gathered at the school gate at 8：20 and gave them a warm welcome. Then I took them to the reception room and we had a get-together there. At ten o'clock， we showed them around our library， our lab and the school factory. At half past eleven， we had lunch with the Australian students in the school dining-hall and then gave presents to each other. Time passed quickly and soon it was half past one in the afternoon. We had to say good-bye to each other.

　　　　Never shall I forget the day March 18th.

　　习作评析（12）

　　　　习作题目 1

　　　　根据下列提示，写一篇 100 词左右的日记。

　　　　今天是二○○二年三月十八日，星期天，天气晴朗。由二十多名澳大利亚中学生组成的访问团来你校参观。你和同学们于八点二十分在校门口集合，列队欢迎来访的澳大利亚学生。八点半你带客人到接待室（ reception room ）并举行联欢会（ get-together ）。十点钟你带领客人参观图书馆、实验室和校办工厂。十一点半和客人一起在学校食堂共进午餐，并互赠礼物，客人于下午一点半离开学校。

　　　　学生原文

　　　　Wednesday March 18th， 2002 Fine

　　　　This morning， over twenty Australian middle school students came to our school for visit. My classmates and I gathered at the school gate at twenty past eight， gave them a warm welcome. At half past eight， I took them to the reception room and we made a get-together there. At ten o'clock， we led them to visit out library， our lab and the school factory. At half past eleven， we had lunch with the Australian students in the school dining-hall but then gave presents to each other. Time passed quickly， soon it was half past one in the afternoon. We had to say good-bye to each other.

　　　　Never shall I forget the day March 18th.

　　　　名师点评

　　　　本篇习作要点齐全，语言通顺?？忌苁炝吩擞盟е?，按时间顺序较好地完成日记。但考生在连接词的运用上还需进一步努力。

　　　?。?1 ） visit 前加 a .

　　　　（ 2 ） gave 前加 and ，在两个并列谓语之间应用连接词 and .

　　　?。?3 ） made 改为 held .举行晚会、聚会、会议需用动词 hold .

　　　　（ 4 ） but 改为 and ，此处是一种并列关系，而非转折关系。

　　　?。?5 ） soon 前加 and .

　　　　（ 6 ）在日记的结尾考生巧妙地运用了倒装结构，使短文添彩。

　　　　精品范文

　　　　Wednesday March 18th， 2002 Fine

　　　　This morning， over twenty Australian middle school students came to our school for a visit. My classmates and I gathered at the school gate at 8：20 and gave them a warm welcome. Then I took them to the reception room and we had a get-together there. At ten o'clock， we showed them around our library， our lab and the school factory. At half past eleven， we had lunch with the Australian students in the school dining-hall and then gave presents to each other. Time passed quickly and soon it was half past one in the afternoon. We had to say good-bye to each other.

　　　　Never shall I forget the day March 18th.