高中英语语法-习作评析（1）
习作评析（1）
某对外发行的英文刊物正在进行中学生英语征文，请根据下列提示，以Dont Lose Your Courage为题写一篇短文，以便向该刊投稿。
[提示]
1. 上高一的第一天；
2. 英语老师刘老师面带微笑进入教室；
3. 她自我介绍，应称呼她Miss Liu，而非Teacher Liu；
4. 要求我们每人到教室前自我介绍；
5. 我又怕又羞难以启齿；
6. 老师鼓励我，我讲得很好；
7. 难忘的第一节课；
8. 实践出真知。遇到困难不能灰心丧气。
[注意]
1. 词数100~140；
2. 不要逐字翻译提示，可适当增加细节使文章连贯。
[学生原文]
Dont Lose Your Heart
Never I shall（1） forget the first English lesson at Senior One given by Miss Liu. When she entered into（2） the classroom， we found that she was beautiful with a smile on her face. Then she introduced herself， saying that we should call her Miss Liu instead of Teacher Liu.
A moment later， she asked every（3） of us to go to the blackboard to say something about themselves（4） . When it was my turn， I felt so shyly（5） and fearful that I couldnt speak a word out. Miss Liu came to me and said kindly， Dont be afraid. Have a try. I believe you can do it well. My face turned red hearing that. At last， I went to the blackboard and was able to do it very well.
Up to now， I can still remember her words in my English（6） lesson：Practice makes perfect. Never lose your heart when you meet with difficulties. Try on and on until you succeed.
[名师点评]
作者能根据提示，运用所学知识得体地进行语言表达。故事行文流畅，要点齐全。运用了复杂的语言结构，作者大胆地使用了现在分词，使短文紧凑，短文的开头使用了WhenThen，A moment later等过渡词，使用恰当，使短文情节逐层深入，作者在第二段最后使用了was able to为短文添彩。
但有几处错误，现概括如下：
（1）短文首句使用了倒装句，给人以深刻的印象，部分时间状语，副词提前，谓语动词应倒装，应改为Never shall I forget。
（2）用法错误，enter含有go into的意思，所以应删除into.
?。?）every改为each， every是形容词，each是代词。
（4）themselves改为ourselves.因为故事使用第一人称叙述了发生在我班上的情况。
（5）shyly改为shy.feel是系动词，应接形容词作表语。
?。?）在English前加first，表示特定的第一节英语课。
[精品范文]
Dont Lose Your Courage
Never shall I forget the first English lesson given by Miss Liu. On that day， when she entered the classroom， we found that she was a young and beautiful lady with a big smile on her face. Then she introduced herself saying that we should call her Miss Liu instead of Teacher Liu， a moment later， she let all of us go to the blackboard and say something about ourselves in English in turn. When it was my turn， I felt so shy and fearful that I didnt dare to say a word before the class. She came up to me and said kindly， Dont be afraid. I believe you can do it. Come and have a try. My face turned red when I heard that. At last， I went to the blackboard and was able to do it quite well. She praised for what I had done. Up to now， I can still remember her words in the first English lesson： Practice makes perfect. Dont lose your courage when you meet with difficulties. Try on and on until you succeed.
习作评析（1）
某对外发行的英文刊物正在进行中学生英语征文，请根据下列提示，以Dont Lose Your Courage为题写一篇短文，以便向该刊投稿。
[提示]
1. 上高一的第一天；
2. 英语老师刘老师面带微笑进入教室；
3. 她自我介绍，应称呼她Miss Liu，而非Teacher Liu；
4. 要求我们每人到教室前自我介绍；
5. 我又怕又羞难以启齿；
6. 老师鼓励我，我讲得很好；
7. 难忘的第一节课；
8. 实践出真知。遇到困难不能灰心丧气。
[注意]
1. 词数100~140；
2. 不要逐字翻译提示，可适当增加细节使文章连贯。
[学生原文]
Dont Lose Your Heart
Never I shall（1） forget the first English lesson at Senior One given by Miss Liu. When she entered into（2） the classroom， we found that she was beautiful with a smile on her face. Then she introduced herself， saying that we should call her Miss Liu instead of Teacher Liu.
A moment later， she asked every（3） of us to go to the blackboard to say something about themselves（4） . When it was my turn， I felt so shyly（5） and fearful that I couldnt speak a word out. Miss Liu came to me and said kindly， Dont be afraid. Have a try. I believe you can do it well. My face turned red hearing that. At last， I went to the blackboard and was able to do it very well.
Up to now， I can still remember her words in my English（6） lesson：Practice makes perfect. Never lose your heart when you meet with difficulties. Try on and on until you succeed.
[名师点评]
作者能根据提示，运用所学知识得体地进行语言表达。故事行文流畅，要点齐全。运用了复杂的语言结构，作者大胆地使用了现在分词，使短文紧凑，短文的开头使用了WhenThen，A moment later等过渡词，使用恰当，使短文情节逐层深入，作者在第二段最后使用了was able to为短文添彩。
但有几处错误，现概括如下：
?。?）短文首句使用了倒装句，给人以深刻的印象，部分时间状语，副词提前，谓语动词应倒装，应改为Never shall I forget。
（2）用法错误，enter含有go into的意思，所以应删除into.
?。?）every改为each， every是形容词，each是代词。
?。?）themselves改为ourselves.因为故事使用第一人称叙述了发生在我班上的情况。
（5）shyly改为shy.feel是系动词，应接形容词作表语。
?。?）在English前加first，表示特定的第一节英语课。
[精品范文]
Dont Lose Your Courage
Never shall I forget the first English lesson given by Miss Liu. On that day， when she entered the classroom， we found that she was a young and beautiful lady with a big smile on her face. Then she introduced herself saying that we should call her Miss Liu instead of Teacher Liu， a moment later， she let all of us go to the blackboard and say something about ourselves in English in turn. When it was my turn， I felt so shy and fearful that I didnt dare to say a word before the class. She came up to me and said kindly， Dont be afraid. I believe you can do it. Come and have a try. My face turned red when I heard that. At last， I went to the blackboard and was able to do it quite well. She praised for what I had done. Up to now， I can still remember her words in the first English lesson： Practice makes perfect. Dont lose your courage when you meet with difficulties. Try on and on until you succeed.
